Do you remember when you first married? You hated to leave each other in the morning and couldn't wait to reconnect in the afternoon? You looked forward to gazing into each other's eyes and talking about your day. Life was good. Years have gone by, children have entered the picture, work is challenging, money is short and the tyranny of the urgent has pushed connecting with your mate to the back burner. Kisses and conversations about your day have been replaced with carpools, cooking supper and catching an extra minute of sleep - busyness.

Research has shown that one of the most important keys of a marriage relationship is figuring out how to stay connected to your mate in spite of all the craziness. Dr. Linda Duncan, Coordinator of Professional Counseling at Tarleton State University, discovered something very important while conducting research on natural transitions in relationships. There are certain natural times of transition for couples throughout the day, when you wake up in the morning, when you leave for the day, when you come back together in the evening and when you end the day. How spouses connect with each other at these points significantly impacts their relationship.

How do you connect with your mate? Are you married to someone who prefers not to speak to anyone in the morning and often leaves for work without even saying goodbye? Do you come home in the evening only to find that the dog seems more excited to see you than your spouse does? Do you fall asleep on the sofa without ever saying goodnight to your mate? Well, the good news is, you are not alone. The bad news is, this isn't necessarily good for your marriage.

According to Dr. Duncan, how you wake up with each other in the morning sets the tone for the day. If you wake up grumpy and irritable and you treat all those around you in that manner one could surmise that mornings around your house aren't too fun. The way you say "goodbye" as you head out is what both of you will focus on throughout the day when you think about each other. If you part with a kiss, a few moments of conversation and an "I love you" more than likely, thinking about you during the day is going to bring about positive feelings.

How do you greet each other after being apart? Do you acknowledge your spouses presence when he/she walks through the door or do you keep on doing what you were doing with barely a hello much less a kiss and good squeeze? And finally, how do you connect at the end of the day when it is time to rest? Do you pray together, lay in bed and talk for a few minutes, tell each other how much you appreciate the other?

In a world filled with routines and hectic schedules, it is easy to take for granted the things that matter most to us in life. Many couples walk down the aisle madly in love, feeling very connected to each other. Over time, the connectedness wanes and spouses begin to feel indifferent toward the relationship. Staying connected requires intentional effort on the part of both spouses. When couples were asked how they stay connected here are a few of their responses:

• When we get home from work, we sit on the front porch and talk. I remember my parents doing that when I was little.
• My kids know that after dinner is the time their mom and I reconnect. Short of an emergency, they know not to bother us.
• My spouse and I talk about what the day holds before we head out the door in the morning. We know if one of us needs a call or e-mail of encouragement before a tough meeting.
• Most days we eat breakfast together, which is a really nice beginning to a hectic day.
• We pray together before we go to sleep. I have learned a lot about my spouse by just listening to what is on his mind at the end of the day.

There a literally hundreds of ways couples can creatively connect at these natural transition times. Don't let hectic schedules, children and other things crowd out special moments with your mate. Next time you greet your mate at the end of the work day, go ahead, out do the dog!